It was past midnight. I had just dropped a friend home after work when he had text me to say one of my tail lights was out. Another fault to add to the list. Bombing it home a white car comes up behind me, and after flying over a roundabout it keeps my speed so I assume it’s going to overtake and speed ahead. Thats when the blue silent disco starts in my rearview.

One officer checks the back, the other the front. He says he smells unburnt fuel and notices the engine light on. Apparently I have a headlight out, as well as a tail light. Aw I know that one! I pull out my phone with the perfect alibi providing text. He shines a torch on my face. Don’t I know you? Have I pulled you over before? No, never been pulled over before – I say, perhaps too proud of myself considering the situation. Was I going a bit fast? (I offer forward like a brazen fucking idiot. It must have looked like I was speeding away from a crash). My instinct was to speed up as you pulled up behind me. Yeah you shouldn’t do that.